Next Dor Proposal

What the young professional Jewish community in St. Louis needs is a place that everyone can call home. So much of our Jewish identity is wrapped up in this idea of belonging, of searching for belonging, and Next Dor plays right into that.

What the young professional Jewish community in St. Louis needs is a place that everyone can call home. So much of our Jewish identity is wrapped up in this idea of belonging, of searching for belonging, and Next Dor plays right into that.

By establishing a “home base” of activities for young Jewish professionals that is centrally located, easily identifiable, open to all, and multi-purpose, people can begin to come together under a veneer of Judaism, but really just as young Jews in St. Louis looking to connect.

Vision: There will be a security code to gain access to the house. The code will change monthly and will be available only to those included in a confidential email list. If an administrator lives in the house, he or she will have a key to the third floor to ensure security and privacy. However, the idea that anyone (with the code of course) can come and go as they please is an important aspect of a welcoming center for Jewish activity.

There will be various spaces within the house, some that groups can schedule time in for meetings and group events. Other spaces will be reserved for a particular purpose, such as studying or catching a quick cat nap in between classes, and will be open to all at any time. Space for an art studio is also intriguing if local artists would be willing to supply their own materials. Essentially, the space should be whatever each individual needs and wants it to be for them. There can even be a garden for those who want to grow their own vegetables.

Where we will run into problems, however, are when the desires of one group conflict with those of another. A good example of this would be when it comes to the rules of Kashrut. While the kitchen would not be a strictly Kosher kitchen, groups would be welcome to schedule a Kosher dinner in the kitchen and use it as such. Someone who is observing the Shabbos would certainly be welcome to use the house as a quiet resting place, but they would have to understand that others in the house may turn on lights, etc.

Essentially, the success of the house will come down to the ability of those who wish to use it to compromise. With the proper forethought and planning, Next Dor can be not just a physical gathering place, but an opportunity to bring the young professional Jewish community in St. Louis “together under one roof.”

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Dating in St Louis (ohh the humanity!)

Dating in St. Louis is like opening yourself up for a roast. Anything and everything you do will be cataloged and discussed; analyzed and theorized on what it "means."
It's basically High School, except everyone is slightly more intelligent.


Gossip now moves at breakneck speeds as compared to High School where it would take at least 4 periods for anything to make it around.
Let's say you want to prove this conjecture for yourself. I would recommend going to a party, say in North County, or somewhere further out of the city, make out with a guy/girl that has a hair lip, and see if someone mentions this tryst to you next week.
Disclaimer: I have not performed this experiment myself (not because I don't like hair lips), but because I can approximate the results from my experiences as of yet in this bold new dating world.

It seems to all stem from the fact that though St. Louis is a metropolis, when you date it morphs into the quad where you ate lunch in High School. So if you happen to hook up with that hair-lipped-guy/girl, his/her sister's best friend's college roommate's sorority president, happens to be paired with your milkman's drinking buddy's dog obedience instructor for cooking classes at the local Schnucks.

They get to talking and they find that they have this weird connection through 6.2 levels (thank you Microsoft) of separation (the more likely situation is that they saw you making out with that person and just have that undying urge to tell everyone that knows you about it). This sorority president gets so excited about this random connection, she spills the beans on everything she knows about you, and you become fodder for their light conversation while they try and prepare tiramisu (which is always lackluster, no matter how much effort goes into it).

One must also remember the other tenet of the St. Louis dating world: Everyone has been on a date with everyone else.

Being new this environment, whenever I mention that I happen to be dating whoever I am dating, they reply "ohh well, did you know she is x, y, and z."

Now those words can be anything from candid, courteous, and caring, to crazy, conniving, and controlling. And they always can cite several times back in blah blah blah where she did blah blah blah with blah blah blah and it caused blah blah blah.

By this point, you might as well consider me to be married because I have turned off all sensory organs, even touch.

I understand that the dating world is a small place, but does everyone have to get up in everybody else's business? I hope to one day have an extremely wide of a gamut of words to be told about me, I also hope they make no sense, "well he is kind-hearted but despicable, sympathetic but callous." I don't think I would mind being called despicable because then I could finally grow that handlebar mustache; I have just been waiting for a reason and then use my middle name as my first name (trust me, it's basically my cowboy name - Lyle).

Now the question is not how you can avoid this system, because unless you are dating a mute who you take to back alleys for dates, you can't. And even then, somebody else has dated him/her.

The question is how you succeed within the system and ensure that when people do talk about you they only have good things to say.

"But Rosh, I have covered my tracks, I have alibis, nobody knows where I truly am, I even blindfold my date for theatrics." -- I have a universal truth to tell you, these people can smell shenanigans. They love the intrigue and suspense. It does not matter what the truth really is, it only matters how far-fetched a story can be envisioned and still be plausible. So if Y? told people I was at a hedonist beach resort last weekend riding horses barebacked, you probably would not believe him if you had any inkling about me as a person. If he told you that I got drunk and thought I could execute a triple lindy at the aquatic center, such a story would be more believable, but still a triple lindy, come on now, I am not Rodney Dangerfield. If he told you that I got drunk and sneaked into the aquatic center and skinny dipped for a bit, you would probably believe that and tell the next person you see about it (I can neither confirm nor deny that I have done any of the aforementioned scenarios). I bet if I told people that Y? got arrested for playing his bongos too loud and was naked when the cops came to door smoking a corn cob pipe (basically pulling a Matthew McConaughey), most people would believe that, but I digress.

So again, back to my beginning thought, the real question is how you can succeed inside such a system, and the truth of the matter is you can't, so if I were you, which I am not (I drafted this article and you are reading it, clear distinction between me and you), I would start looking for that mute that likes being taken to back alleys on dates and blindfolded.

Also, word to the wise, start watching Lady and the Tramp for some situational experience. My actual best advice to those going through it is be aware of those around you and the environment that you are in. Making out with someone in the middle of Buca (which just might jeopardize your personal space and personal safety) is asking for gossip, making out in your own room . . .the only one that might catch you is your mother. If you are reading my column for dating advice and still living with your mother, I have some Sex Panther Cologne to sell you. 60% of the time it works every time.

Stay tuned for my next article/foray when I go undercover in the jdating world.
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Discovery

So I did some cursory Facebook searches and found that there are actually a couple hundred youngish Jewish kids around, either through Jgrads, YPD, or GesherCity.

I recognize the difficulty of coordinating between groups, resources agendas... etc. maybe there needs to be a 'career fair' model for all the groups trying to court us so that we could determine which groups really align with the type of involvement we want to have, from purely social to more religious or social justice focuses.

As I see it, the people would be the only reason to keep us here. STL doesn't have the population or activity diversity or density of NYC, DC, Chi-town, or LA. It doesn't have the beaches of the West Coast or the weather of the South.

The city's culture is a little incongruent with the majority of young Jews (if you don't vote Democrat when you are young, you have no soul, if you don't vote Republican when you are old, you have no savings) so really you have a few strikes against you.

Perhaps most challenging about St. Louis is simply the layout. There are little pockets or neighborhoods spread out over a fairly vast area considering the relatively small population. We are spread out across regions from downtown and the actual city of St. Louis (Vassup!) out to the depths of West County (Ish don't sink so). Nothing against West County, tax base depletion aside, but people move out there to start families, not communities.

Anyways, the point is just that we need an urban JCC. Wait. . .is that the point?
Perhaps its a point. We need a rallying point somewhere that is fairly central, where people want to be, where they are comfortable being. A place where they can drop through after work, have a beer (that isn't yellow fizzy water) or a water. . . whatever.

Let me try that again. We need a place, physical or digital, where people exchange ideas and connect, because contact is key for a community. Read More......