How Much is Too Much? Is Facebook Killing Friendship?

Whether or not you know with all of your facebook friends, the site has made it far easier to stay in touch with friends from different stages of life. But how many of these people can you actually stay friends with?

Imagine a stereotypical Jewish kids, who goes through youth group and camp in addition to K-12 and college, where they might have joined a sorority or fraternity and 5 student groups. Each phase, group, and activity has contributed to the immense social network the hold once they leave university. Where as this might have lead to a build up of an email address book or AIM buddy list, now, without trying, we can stay up to date on all of our friends. Quite literally, the hardest part of maintaining the 'relationship', namely the active attention it took to reach out and check in, has been removed as a barrier to knowing what is going on in a person's life. This shift from active to passive allows us to 'keep in touch' with a much larger number of people, and ensures that falling out of touch isn't something that happens accidentally.

It is often said that we cannot have more than 150 friends. The average number of confirmed friends on Facebook is 120. But if you grew up with Facebook in high school, used it in college, and are comfortable with the fact that Facebook 'friends' stretch even the meaning of acquaintance, you likely have several hundred. At minimum.

One of the four noble truths of Buddhism is that attachment is a source of suffering. As our social networks continue to expand at alarming rates (effectively tracking every person we meet and when), it seems natural that we would begin to be weighed down by our attachments, as casual as they may be. Because we often add friends without categorizing them on Facebook, we are often combing through status updates of people we don't know well, might not care much about, of have little interest in. Sure, Facebook's algorithms will reduce that noise over time to those with whom we interact with most, but the sheer number of birthday reminders and messages we get continues to blur the line between 'real' friend and Facebook friend.

If we are simultaneously able to have more attachment, while the quality of that attachment is lowered (by the lower threshold needed to count as a friend), then we are indeed likely to become crushed under the weight of too many acquaintances.

So what to do? Some people are swearing off Facebook altogether, or opt for 'Personal Network' sites like Path, I think it is still possible to effectively use Facebook for both personal and larger social networking gains.

First, stop accepting people as regular friends. Default them into limited profile, or create a list with limited permissions. Second, start categorizing your current friends, maybe by how you know them, or how close you are. You can set what you share with which group so take advantage of it. Finally, instead of the regular news stream, click 'Most Recent' next to 'Top News' and filter by one of your new friend lists to only see the posts you want.

There is no denying the impact of our technology on the way we interact and the relationships we build, but we still have some choice left in how we use it.

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The 20 Male Poses of Facebook

In the neverending quest to discuss the relevant issues of the day, I pass along this spot-on dissection of the male Facebook profile picture habits!

Guys, ever think that you are being wildly creative and unique with your latest Facebook profile pic? Well think again.

This post from 2birds1blog most definitely has you pegged, whether its the shot of you looking your best at the office hannukah party or the ultra emo shot you took yourself while standing on your head. (I for one am currently violating Rule 13: Do not allow Tupperware to share the spotlight in your picture... No, no there is a real Rule 13 and yes I am breaking it as we speak!)

So will this change the way we use Facebook or make us stop and think about its place in the world? Hell no. But it's guaranteed to make you laugh more than 6 times and give you a chance to make fun of your friends along the way. AKA, perfect Thursday afternoon entertainment. Enjoy! (And special thanks to the DC friend who was busy enough at work to pass this along!)

Disclaimer: This post does contain material that may not be suitable for young children...So if you are a young child, what the heck are you doing reading our blog anyway? Go away.
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Is Facebook Hurting Relationships?

Is Facebook's ability to connect with old friends and seek out new companions in secret actually affecting relationships out in the real world? This article suggests yes!

As ridiculous as the headline sounds, can Facebook really break your heart? Back in my day, Facebook was a simple diversion that came online during Finals Week, meaning that everyone spent way too much time updating their profile and reconnecting with friends from kindergarten. 4.5 short years later, it has become THE tool to stay increasingly connected in a world that should make staying connected harder than ever.

We're constantly on the move, be it from meeting to meeting, from home on the East Coast to school on the West, or off to Tibet to study the mating habits of the spotted iguana for 9 months while staying in a hut with ancient monks. Everything is stacked against us maintaining relationships, let alone rekindling old flames (I for one have been routinely criticized over the years for letting friendships fall by the wayside).

Yet here is Facebook, no longer just a cult fad, but a legitimate tool that makes the world the size of a computer screen. Just this past week I have connected to old college friends, made plans for trips around the country, and checked up on my little sister's college shenanigans!

But is there a darker side to these connections? Does Facebook allow us too much access, too many opportunities to stray? That is exactly the question this article asks in loooking at the Facebook phenomenon. So what do you think? Is Facebook a positive agent of change that will forever alter the way we consider friendship? Or is it a dark and destructive power that does not relate well to reality? Discuss!
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The Jewish Connection

What is the "Jewish Connection?" Do you know who I know? Probably.

Last Friday night, I went to Shabbat dinner at Y’s apartment- my second Shabbat in a month- and it was awesome. I met a couple new people, and saw some new jew friends from the Shabbat I had previously attended. Now that I’ve hung out with a couple of these people, I feel like I’m making some real friends and not just the kind on Facebook. And they’re not all guys! Chicks like me have a little trouble making decent girlfriends, but I met one girl who was very interested in my first blog post. She is a very kind person, and though she seems shy, she invited me to come to synagogue with her one Saturday.

(To be honest, I never went to synagogue on Saturdays when I was “growing up” Jewish) So I’d like to go and see if this tradition is something I’d be into. It’s people like this girl that make any community stronger. To embrace a fellow comrade and invite them to a regular happening purely because of your faith is not uncommon.; to me, however, it reminds me of other religions I may have mocked at one point previously. I see a future post in the works.

Anyway, this brings up my theory of the Jewish Connection. In St. Louis, growing up Jewish means that we all know the same 95 Jewish kids from our days in school- be it Hebrew school or k-12. I hardly knew anyone, even Y, when I showed up to that first Shabbat dinner, but it turns out, we all know (or are related to) the same group of people, the same community. Since we all know the same 95 kids, jumping into conversations like old friends isn’t hard to do.

Funny enough, “Jewish Connection” is what I would say to my friend Josh when I needed a favor. And he’d do the same. We were the only Jewish kids at our high school, but had known each other since we were six years old thanks to Sunday school. Thanks to that bond we shared growing up, I took pride in helping out a fellow Semite. Come to think of it, I still haven’t been able to find him a girlfriend and he called “jewish connection” on that a while ago.

Next time, I promise to blog about something more lighthearted. Something St. Louis. I do plan on going to synagogue to check it out, so I’ll keep you dutiful readers posted. Until then, back to work! I wish I could call “Jewish Connection” at work. It would make my corporate slavery position much easier…

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