The Demise of Dating

Can't get a date? No worries, because apparently neither can anyone else!

It used to be (or so I am told at least) that if you "liked" someone you would ask them out on a date to get to know them better and see where it went. After a few dates, if things were going well, maybe then you would start to "hook up" and a relationship was born.

No more, according to this New York Times article. Today's model calls for people to hook up with their friends, and if the experience is good enough, maybe a date will come down the road. The benefit to this buy now, shop later mentality are that anyone has a chance at love. All it takes is enough time spent in a group of friends and eventually you have to hook up with soooomeone.

The negatives of this hook-up culture, though, are not what you would think. Young people today are having less sex (according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) and are hooking up with friends rather than strangers (according to the Journal of Adolescent Research). Instead, the negatives are focused on gender iniquity as males and females bring different viewpoints and agendas to the "random hook-up."

So yes, when your parents say, "Back in my day we went on DATES to get to know people," they're not just blowing smoke. There is a stark contrast in today's times, as the stereotypical dinner and a movie slowly fades into Leave it to Beaver oblivion.

What do you think? Is this an accurate depiction of the dating world today? And if it is, what does it mean for a post-college Jew living in St. Louis? How is a guy supposed to get a date, or is he even supposed to? And as a girl, do you want to be wined and dined or is that too "old-fashioned?" Read the story here and let the debate begin!
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Is Facebook Hurting Relationships?

Is Facebook's ability to connect with old friends and seek out new companions in secret actually affecting relationships out in the real world? This article suggests yes!

As ridiculous as the headline sounds, can Facebook really break your heart? Back in my day, Facebook was a simple diversion that came online during Finals Week, meaning that everyone spent way too much time updating their profile and reconnecting with friends from kindergarten. 4.5 short years later, it has become THE tool to stay increasingly connected in a world that should make staying connected harder than ever.

We're constantly on the move, be it from meeting to meeting, from home on the East Coast to school on the West, or off to Tibet to study the mating habits of the spotted iguana for 9 months while staying in a hut with ancient monks. Everything is stacked against us maintaining relationships, let alone rekindling old flames (I for one have been routinely criticized over the years for letting friendships fall by the wayside).

Yet here is Facebook, no longer just a cult fad, but a legitimate tool that makes the world the size of a computer screen. Just this past week I have connected to old college friends, made plans for trips around the country, and checked up on my little sister's college shenanigans!

But is there a darker side to these connections? Does Facebook allow us too much access, too many opportunities to stray? That is exactly the question this article asks in loooking at the Facebook phenomenon. So what do you think? Is Facebook a positive agent of change that will forever alter the way we consider friendship? Or is it a dark and destructive power that does not relate well to reality? Discuss!
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The role of the Shiksa

I saw this image on a T-Shirt and couldn't help but laugh, and think about a recent conversation I had with a (non-Jewish) friend of mine.

She sent me a text informing me that she was hanging out with a Jewish friend and they were trying to think of the Yiddish word for a non-Jewish girl and a guy that dates non-Jewish girls.

The word for a non-Jewish girl is Shiksa (literally cockroach), as for the guy that dates the Shiksa, well. . . so far as I know, we don't have a word, which is probably due to the fact that its a pretty common practice.

There is certainly a deep conflict between the egalitarian principles espoused in much of reform Judaism and the deep bias against inter-marriage.

I've done some (pseudo)research into sites like JDate et. al, and there are quite a few non-Jews (mostly women) who have profiles on the site. Its clear that the attraction goes both ways. Granted, its much easier for a Jewish person to find a non-Jewish mate as a simple fact of numbers. By restricting your potential partner set to just Jews, you cut a whole lot of potential out of the picture.
Why is it, though, that non-Jews (once again, mostly women) are going out of their way to seek out Jewish partners (mostly men)?

Some of the answers seem to revolve around the classical American Jewish stereotypes. That Jewish men are more responsible and mature (*cough), better with their money and more family oriented. That they treat women well, cave easily to their demands, and provide steady partnership. . . much of this may be true, at least partially, but what about our stereotypes of non-Jewish women?

How often have I heard, despite the joking tone, that 'goys are for practice'? ...Sure, that relationship was going along swimmingly, until the parents started thinking about where the wedding would be held, how the children would be raised, and then, well, things went to hell, just like her parents promised you would.

What is it though, that simultaneously drives us away from Jewish partners until we are ready to consider the possibility of serious (potentially final status) relationships?

I'm as inundated with images of rail thin, large-chested, tan, blonde women without any body hair as any other media consumer in America, but perhaps as a Jew, these traits have a different meaning. Perhaps they are signals of beauty that we are supposed to aspire to based on our swarthy or pale predispositions, as part of our 'quest to become white'.

I think that as part of the integration process, we have held Gentile women as the standard of beauty to embrace, evidenced by the popularity of nose jobs, tanning beds and laser hair removal to some in the community. It is likely that, as we reach the limits of integration, we start to see a resurgence of pride in who we are, naturally.

It wasn't until I spent some time in Israel that I started realizing, or rather reminding myself, that Jewish women are beautiful. Now, I'm sure there is a point about identity politics or psychology in here somewhere, but really, it just clicked one day; I like dark, curly hair, I love dark, pensive eyes. Sure, our melanin might be pretty lacking, but hey, try getting kicked out of every Mediterranean country over the past 2000 years and see how you end up looking!

I'm interested in what people think though, so why do you never/always date Jewish/non-Jewish women/men?

*EDIT* There are gorgeous Jewish women with red hair, and even blond hair. I mean, Natalie Portman looked decent even without hair in V for Vendetta (although I couldn't help but think of pictures of those interred at camps during the Holocaust).

Also, there is a really interested article tangentially related to this that I just found.

שבת שלום

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