Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Its funny cuz its true

There is an old joke from days of Jews living in ghettos and mellahs about a Jew who is found laughing hysterically. When asked what could make him laugh so hard, he opens up the news paper to page after page proclaiming that the Jews run the world.

Do a quick search for 'Jews Run the World' or 'New World Order Zionists' and you will inevitably be brought into the half-baked world of conspiracies that make you just suspicious enough to wonder. . .I found Real Jew News to be a stereotypical snapshot of the typical accusations leveled against us. From the whole 'media conspiracy' thing, to the 'Financial-Rothschild Banking' thing, to a few more interesting, and newer claims, like Jews created Feminism and Neoconservatism (darned Wolfowitz and Bill Kristol blowing our cover on that one).

On the whole, if you read the type of people who seem to believe in the shtick, its really a somewhat harmless site, as it doesn't advocate genocide.

I will say, I feel the Muslims on a particular issue, that is the misrepresentation of holy scripture. All of the texts written in Arabic or Hebrew (or Aramaic for that matter) are now subject for mistranslation by religious nuts. This is dangerous and can lead to alllll sorts of misunderstanding and conspiracy theories.

Now, don't get me wrong. . . I love conspiracy theories. I happen to believe that the introduction of crack cocaine to the US happened in no small part to government involvement with the Iran-Contra scandal (I don't think the gov't taught anyone how to make crack, or sold it, just that they turned a blind eye to the huge importations of cocaine at the time).

My willingness to be duped by investigative reporting and rumor aside, you really gotta wonder if we Jews were so smart, devious, and powerful... why would we pick Israel to stake so many of our hopes to. Israel, a country that really hadn't been much of anything prior to about 1914 or so. I mean, wouldn't we want a country rich in oil, perhaps precious raw materials, or maybe a place far from those who wish to cause us harm (or at least disagree with us over such small things as religion, or land).

Sure, there are an inordinate amount of Jews in Hollywood, and now on the news, in corporations and in medicine, in academia, etc.

Wanna know why? Here is the secret to the Jews success... Ready?

Its cuz our mothers won't let us be janitors or busboys, work at beer distributors or on farms (this of course is a flagrant disregard of geopolitical history).

Its that simple. See, if you are motivated to make your parents proud, or at least get them off your back, and your parents have a finite number of things that you should be doing, investment banking, being a doctor, lawyer, musician, etc., there is a good chance you will end up doing one of those, especially if your parents did it and were good at it.

Just like sons of blacksmiths who became blacksmiths and started family dynasties, so have Jews been traditionally put in certain roles.

It has nothing to do with the fact that Jews were forced to become doctors, lawyers, and money lenders by Christians and Muslims who were forbade to charge usury, or who looked at law and medicine as we now look at janitors and blacksmiths.

It has nothing to do with the emphasis that Jews put on education, often forgoing amenities in order to pay for childrens' educations. Nor does it have anything to do with the fact that education is important, as that is clearly not the case.

Most of all, the success of Jews has absolutely NOTHING to do with other Jews.

It turns out that when a group of people feel discriminated against, they don't look out for each other or try to give each other a hand, they just act like crabs in a bucket and each try to get ahead at the expense of the other.

I will close this dispassionate diatribe by asking this, if Jews run the world, can you please let me in on it. I can keep a secret!

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